Thursday, October 18, 2007

Definitely Delightful Definitions

Folks, I got this email today from my friend who's dating a priest--we'll not go into that right now. Anyway, I figured you all needed a laugh today.

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners. Each is an artificial word with only one letter altered to form a real word. Some are terrifically innovative:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people, that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The Bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

5. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

6. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

7. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

8. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

9. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

10. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

11. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

12. Glibido: All talk and no action.

13. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

14. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

15. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

16. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

And, the pick of the lot...

17. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.


Just Julez said...

I knew a #17 once. Tall guy, solar panel in the back of his head, liked blondes, pretended to be a leader......

I saw his former co-ruler today. I was telling her how Alex now had 2 nieces, and she says to me "are they BOTH PJ's?" All I could say was "no, one belongs to my oldest-he never made you work hard because he was at FHS when you rode into town"

Anyway, thanks for the guffaw. They're always a good thing!

Becca said...

I will consider it my civic duty to start using as many of those as I can.

Jenn-Jenn, the Mother Hen said...

I laughed out loud when I read these. Jamie came over to see what on earth was the matter with me when I read them at home.

Love you!

Tara said...

Thanks for the comment. Its a tough job, but I do love those little bunchkins!

Becca said...

Just wanted to let you know, Tooz--I'm posting this outside my cube at work.